Jules: You scratch our backs, we’ll scratch yours. 
Seth: Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it’s located on my cock.


Only My Favourite Poem in the Universe

“Never have I ever walked into a room feeling brave.
I drink flower water and bloom the sun.
Dehydration sets in,
which brings night, which brings frogs,
which hop towards the lights above apartment doors.
If Hell exists, I don’t want to know God.
Never have I ever not missed K.
In every poem I have yet to write
I am hoping she shows up with a glass of flower water,
two hearts saying mush mush mush.
It’s too hot to see our breath but we’re still alive,
so we know it’s there.
My lemonade stand is open even in winter.
Sugar teeth I tell her.
Come home and spoil me.
Sometimes a song makes me want to surf and I’m like
stop that right this instant.
Atlantis sank and that’s weird.
Venice is sinking
but I’m too worried about my receding gums to care.
The levees broke, people were like help us, help us!
Days and days and then some help.
Never have I ever been rich.
I am scared of needles shaped as needles.
I am scared of needles shaped as anything that turns into a needle.
When did blood get a bad wrap?
It is why I am touching K on a night and a morning
and sometimes a mid-morning basis.
Lately I have been thinking about sitting under a linden tree.
Lately I have been thinking about the age of trees
and the age of romance
and the strength of K’s thighs wrapped around mine
when there is nothing keeping us apart but our own sweat.
Lately I have understood how they all mean the same thing.”

Gregory Sherl


Ahhhhh yes, and then I remembered why I couldn’t stand three-quarters of the people in this town: because they’ll say anything just to be assholes and start an argument. 

Get your head out of your asses and step into the real world kids. 

Bagels on Bagels on Bagels

Bagels are real high up in my “Best Foods Ever” book for three reasons:

1) Bagels come in a variety of flavours.
2) You can spread a variety of flavours on bagels.
3) They can be sandwiches.

Please try a blueberry bagel with peanut butter on it next time you’re in the mood.


The best days are the ones where your hair looks kick ass and you’re all BAM! Get at me boys.” 

The Rolling Stones right now are tres parfait and this plaid shirt could not be more comfortable. I also told myself I was going to look over those anatomy notes considering I have an exam on Monday on all of the muscles in the body but we all know real well that that was not going to happen. Instead, I conducted a beautiful salad for dins and watched reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel Air – if one can even “conduct” a salad. I don’t even think “conduct” was the word I was looking for but I’m far too sleepy to rack my brain for another.

Can we just pause and enjoy Sympathy for the Devil for a second? Those maracas – mmm! Too good, too good.

*Round of applause*

Shake away gentlemen. Shake away my thoughts so I can sleep tonight and not have cuh-razay dreams again.

Last night/early this morning I dreamt that I was in a state of intoxication under marijuana (I was stoned) and I was lying in my bed and everything in my room was the same, except my blinds were open and I could see the window.

On the window there was a long, squiggly thing that looked like a worm but then started to shape into this tiny lizard that was purple, yellow and blue. Bizarre, right? Totally.

It was a real quick bugger too, scurrying across that window and onto my walls and then on my bed sheets and suddenly it was just lost in my bed sheets. That kind of freaked me out, I suppose because I was so high and I’m not a fan of tiny things that crawl faster than I could catch them.

Also, just a side note, there was never a point in my dream when I was smoking a bowl or lighting a joint. I just opened my eyes and my head was all cloudy and everything felt like – well if you’ve been under the influence you know there’s no definite way to describe it. But that’s exactly how I felt in my dream, it was the strangest of strange things!

Than all of a sudden I was hearing music and people talking and my sister walked into the bathroom like it was no big deal, when I had just dropped her off at the GO Station to go home over an hour ago. This is where I started to panic – don’t make fun of me, it’s really not cool when random strangers are in your house and you’re high and you start thinking they’re going to come kill you.

Add onto that the fact that there’s a colourful lizard running around my room and in my bed.


I’m not about that creepy-crawly life.

All I really remember is being completely freaked out, not quite enjoying the state I was in. I kept blinking my eyes, trying to wake myself up because that usually works but it wasn’t this time. Everything was the same but there was a lizard in my bed and people in my house laughing and Lord knows what else. I probably blinked about a hundred-billion times before I finally woke up.

You know that state you’re in when you open your eyes for the first time after a nightmare? That was me.

You look around for a little bit, still slightly nervous of freaking everything. I couldn’t even tell if I was in “real life” again, you know? Because everything was exactly the same in my dream. I even reached for my iPhone and started Googling purple, blue, yellow lizards because I was so confused what the meaning of that was supposed to be.

No cigar though my friends.

Alas, here I am still wondering what the heck that dream was and Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown is coming to an end.