I Don’t Want Good & I Don’t Want Good Enough

Sometimes when I’m in the shower I’ll put my nose in the middle of the circle of water coming down from the spout so I can breathe and still have water falling on my face, like tiny kisses.

I feel like that’s what a bunny’s kisses would feel like. If there’s one pet in the world I wish to have, it’s a bunny without a doubt.

Or an Alaskan husky because, whaddup, those eyes are piercingly beautiful.

Or a lion if that could be realistic and I wouldn’t feel paranoid cuddling with it.

That’s three pets, so sue me.

I just accidentally put my hand in my empty ice cream bowl because I was staring out my bedroom window at the rain and thought I was reaching for my cellphone.

That’s my life in a nutshell I’d say. My head is always in the clouds and I feel almost certain I’m doing the right thing so I go ahead and do it, and I stick my hand in the ice cream bowl.

*Licks chocolatey goodness off fingers*

*Not seductively – stop thinking like that*

Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley just popped up on my shuffle and that is friggin fantastic.

Back to the main topic of tonight’s blog which actually hasn’t been decided yet but topics usually present themselves as I continue to type.

I’ve realized from the undoubtedly cheesy lyrics of Hunter Hayes’ “I Want Crazy” that I do, in fact, “want crazy”.

There were a couple of gents this year that popped up into my world and they were spectacular and humble and attractive – but they were also safe, I knew how they felt about me. You get those vibes sometimes from guys that they try to portray as chill and cool, but they’re so needy.

If boys are that needy for a sexual relationship (which I’m not saying all gents are) why don’t they just call on a whore?

What’s changed from the 1600s where Kings and Knights would visit brothels and whorehouses on the daily and their women turned a cheek?

I’m not saying “Bring it on back boys! I love the profile view”.

What I’m trying to get at here is that I really, truly think males have deep down feelings for females that don’t just involve wanting to see them naked. They’ve tried to convince us of this before and they can say whatever they like – we can watch movies and read books that have cute quotes and dreamy men wanting to “be with you forever…and only you” – but who believes that crap? Whenever my ex would say things like that to me I would feel a little flip in my stomach trying to bring up my dinner. Or laugh – I definitely wanted to laugh.

It’s the most fake! I know you don’t actually mean that because it sounds like it’s been said before. There should be a rule about not plagiarizing love lines for your girlfriends and it should feel just as sinful as plagiarizing in an essay.

Like, thanks bud for telling me you see a future with us together and that I have eyes you could stare into forever but I, personally, do not find that enthralling.

I’ve lost track of what I was trying to say. I wonder what my brain would look like if it were portrayed by trains and railroad tracks. Probably very life-threatening.

I like that feeling of nervousness in my stomach – the butterflies that are shitting their pants. I hate how I try and say intellectual things but I slur and stumble over my words. I like how I can’t meet your eyes but I’m always looking at you. I like that I can’t stop smiling around you and it’s not because you’ve said something funny or nice, but probably because you’re just saying things to me. We’re conversing and it’s easy. I like going home every night and not being able to get you off my mind (sexual thoughts and non, I won’t be a liar here). I like how my head races when I hear their voice calling to me. And for some very, very, very bizarre reason, I love the chase.

I hate how safe you feel. I could walk all over you and that’s not cool. I hate knowing you like me. I hate the obvious.

And as much as I hate having to guess whether or not he has feelings for me, I cannot stand how clingy the obvious boys get.

There it is folks.

I suppose tonight’s topic of discussion (with myself) was my asking who needs to play it safe in love?